Three Principles To Keep Your Teens Talking To You As They Get Older

Essential Strategy #3: Open Communication

Mark Rogers | Convergence

Do you want your kids to be open and honest with you when they get older? Will you be happy if when they need your input the most is the time they decide to put their headphones on, look down at their screens and shut you out as they sit right in front of you? In this post I will discuss three principles that will keep the lines of communication open as they grow up and their lives grow larger.

"Seek first to understand and then to be understood" Stephen Covey author of '7 Habits of highly successful people'

The first principle is creating space for dialogue to happen. The shortest distance between two points is always a straight line. The most direct and effective way to create this space is to incorporate in the rhythm of life sections of time when all devices are turned off.

Turn off the devices.

Even if this hasn't been a part of life up to this point, we encourage you to go through the pain of adding this space immediately. Make it a part of the daily rhythm of life and give specific options of what the acceptable activities are during this time. It's important to structure the time and space towards activities which lend themselves to interacting with one another. The important principle is to get face time with one another, a non-negotiable principle. Once this principle becomes part of the household culture, face time, becomes the major building block for all the other strategies needed in order to thrive and kids to be drug free.

Studies have shown a correlation between isolating on social media with depression and suicide. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9817115/ What promised us greater connectivity with one another has resulted in greater dis-connectivity. Becoming hyper connected does far more to promote disunity amongst the family members than it does bringing the family together.

Discussion & Debate

The second principle is, engage in healthy debate. Healthy debate allows for critical thinking to develop, hones processing skills, aides in personal discovery, shapes opinions and promotes communication skills, all which are needed to build thriving families and drug free kids. Debate becomes the mechanism where topics are not off the table, free thinking is valued, and the best ideas will always rise to the surface. Debate can facilitated in a variety of ways.

Debate opens doors to robust discussions on a variety of topics leading to so many positives being woven into the fabric of the family culture. For example when kids realize topics and issues are OK to talk about without presumption and judgement we will be able to hear their hearts and what's stirring underneath. We will hear the real concerns without shutting down communication. The value of debate and open discussion cannot be overstated, they directly combat two deviant behaviors addiction and abuse thrive in; isolation and secrecy.

Whenever we as parents can strike a blow to the environment that addiction and abuse thrive in is a huge win we should take at every possible turn.

The third principle of keeping the lines of communication open as our children go through the ages and stages of development is cultivating transparency and honestly. I can't tell you how often I was surprised by some of the things that came out of our kids mouths as they were growing up. The amount of input they take in is impossible to quantify. So when ideas, thoughts, and opinions come pouring out of our kids' mouths it's important to remember not to be reactionary but instead learn process issues with them in order to get down to the root of things.

Truth & Transparency

If we value truth, transparency and honesty in our communication our children will learn not compartmentalize and stuff their emotions...

If we value truth, transparency and honesty in our communication our children will learn not compartmentalize and stuff their emotions but rather find safe spaces within the family system to take the hard questions to vs. going to friends, or others outside the family system who may not enforce the right values but often will provide counter arguments. If our kids have learned to identify and share with transparency in an encouraging setting when it comes times for their values to be tested they are more apt to make choices which reinforce good character and healthy values. And when they don't are prepared to admit the truth and process their mistakes and poor decisions which they will ultimately make along the way.

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